12 replies to this topic

[airline55]

Just got this email.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but
only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for
those who fly routinely in their jobs:

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems and document their repairs on the form and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a
sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last:

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Maestro69]

U know, thats about the 4-5th time i have read this one...

[highspeed]

U know, thats about the 4-5th time i have read this one...

... this year.

The joke may even be older than Qantas...

[travelhouse]

Let me try........Aussie QANTAS Joke.....

Made Up as I go....

(Sunday 24 Feb 1980)

Location (Townsville Queensland Australia)

Aircraft (Fokker Friendship) QANTAS Airways

Route: Townsville to Hamilton Island Over Water.......

15 mins into flight, Capt get a mayday call.....

Mayday Mayday can anyone hear me?

Pilot says, (Yes) this is the Capt of the Fokker friendship what is your location?

MayDay MayDay can anyone hear me?????? Help my boat is sinking....

Pilot again says, (Yes) this is the Capt of the Qantas Airways Fokker friendship what is your location?

again there is another call for help....

MayDay MayDay can anyone hear me help pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

By this time the pilot thinks this mayday cant hear the aircraft radio at all but he again says but this time yelling into microphone headset, (Yes) this is the Capt of the Qantas Airways Fokker friendship can you hear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee what is your location?

Voice comes back and says.

Look Mate who every you are.... I want help not your Friggin Friendship......

[Fly_Germany]

U know, thats about the 4-5th time i have read this one...

i've heard it a few billion times.. maybe its been circuling emails since the internet was created... BUt its still funny each read

[janni_p]

Old old thing Funny nontheless

[TorqueWrench]

I prefer the real U/S Labels i've seen that say...

Fault:
"Fu*cked"

and...

Fault:
Made By Airbus

[VC-10]

Why would a civil plane have a target radar?

[AirKevin]

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Cat in cockpit.

[highspeed]

A cat in the cockpit is not a problem. In fact it is a great tool. A cat will always land on its feet. This makes a cat the perfect tool for aviators. When you adjust your plane's attitude to get a straight angle between the cockpit floor and the cat's legs, you know you're flying straight and level.

[TorqueWrench]

Here is a thought... We all know that cats ALWAYS land feet first and toast ALWAYS lands butter side down...

Now, If I strap a piece of toast butter side up to the back of a cat feet downwards and drop it from a tall building... do we get a perpetual motion device that always rotates between toast and cat facing the ground?

[highspeed]

Here is a thought... We all know that cats ALWAYS land feet first and toast ALWAYS lands butter side down...

Now, If I strap a piece of toast butter side up to the back of a cat feet downwards and drop it from a tall building... do we get a perpetual motion device that always rotates between toast and cat facing the ground?

No. No rotating is involved. Both will happen at the same time, unless you actually look at the result. See Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and Schrödinger's Cat.

[AirKevin]

Here is a thought... We all know that cats ALWAYS land feet first and toast ALWAYS lands butter side down...

Now, If I strap a piece of toast butter side up to the back of a cat feet downwards and drop it from a tall building... do we get a perpetual motion device that always rotates between toast and cat facing the ground?

Actually, if you strap the toast to the back of a cat, the cat would land feet first, because technically, the toast can't land on anything since it's strapped to the cat.