Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but
only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for
those who fly routinely in their jobs:
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems and document their repairs on the form and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a
sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last:
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Qantas jokes
#1
Posted 07 February 2006 - 01:25 AM
#2
Posted 07 February 2006 - 01:34 AM
#3
Posted 07 February 2006 - 01:37 AM
... this year.U know, thats about the 4-5th time i have read this one...
The joke may even be older than Qantas...
#4
Posted 07 February 2006 - 02:33 AM
Made Up as I go....
(Sunday 24 Feb 1980)
Location (Townsville Queensland Australia)
Aircraft (Fokker Friendship) QANTAS Airways
Route: Townsville to Hamilton Island Over Water.......
15 mins into flight, Capt get a mayday call.....
Mayday Mayday can anyone hear me?
Pilot says, (Yes) this is the Capt of the Fokker friendship what is your location?
MayDay MayDay can anyone hear me?????? Help my boat is sinking....
Pilot again says, (Yes) this is the Capt of the Qantas Airways Fokker friendship what is your location?
again there is another call for help....
MayDay MayDay can anyone hear me help pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
By this time the pilot thinks this mayday cant hear the aircraft radio at all but he again says but this time yelling into microphone headset, (Yes) this is the Capt of the Qantas Airways Fokker friendship can you hear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee what is your location?
Voice comes back and says.
Look Mate who every you are.... I want help not your Friggin Friendship......
#5
Posted 07 February 2006 - 09:37 AM
U know, thats about the 4-5th time i have read this one...
i've heard it a few billion times.. maybe its been circuling emails since the internet was created... BUt its still funny each read
~ Air Germany, Connecting Berlin to to the world ~
"you'll Love it"
Fleet:
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3 x Airbus A320-200
5 x Airbus A319-100
2 x Bombardier Q400
4 x Saab 2000
2 x ERJ-135ER
9 x ATR-42-500
(Upcoming Orders)
Airbus A319-100
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"3rd Rock Alliance"
No more slums. No more violence. No more poverty...Gawad Kalinga
#6
Posted 07 February 2006 - 11:44 AM
#7
Posted 07 February 2006 - 09:41 PM
Fault:
"Fu*cked"
and...
Fault:
Made By Airbus
#8
Posted 10 February 2006 - 04:17 PM
Fleet:
3 Beach 1900D
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
British World Airlines-bwa No 3753
#9
Posted 10 February 2006 - 09:04 PM
#10
Posted 10 February 2006 - 10:31 PM
#11
Posted 12 February 2006 - 06:17 PM
Now, If I strap a piece of toast butter side up to the back of a cat feet downwards and drop it from a tall building... do we get a perpetual motion device that always rotates between toast and cat facing the ground?
#12
Posted 12 February 2006 - 06:47 PM
No. No rotating is involved. Both will happen at the same time, unless you actually look at the result. See Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and Schrödinger's Cat.Here is a thought... We all know that cats ALWAYS land feet first and toast ALWAYS lands butter side down...
Now, If I strap a piece of toast butter side up to the back of a cat feet downwards and drop it from a tall building... do we get a perpetual motion device that always rotates between toast and cat facing the ground?
#13
Posted 14 February 2006 - 07:56 PM
Here is a thought... We all know that cats ALWAYS land feet first and toast ALWAYS lands butter side down...
Now, If I strap a piece of toast butter side up to the back of a cat feet downwards and drop it from a tall building... do we get a perpetual motion device that always rotates between toast and cat facing the ground?
Actually, if you strap the toast to the back of a cat, the cat would land feet first, because technically, the toast can't land on anything since it's strapped to the cat.
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